


Texting

by TimeLordFury



Series: Whouffaldi [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Post-Episode: 2014 Xmas Last Christmas, whouffaldi, whouffle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-03-16 15:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 14,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3493583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeLordFury/pseuds/TimeLordFury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clara get the Doctor a new phone.<br/>Series of texts between the pair. In linear order, for now.<br/>Post: Last Christmas</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place shortly after Last Christmas. Clara has returned to teaching but after work, she usually spends her time with the Doctor. The Wednesday routine is thrown out of the window.

**Thursday Janurary 15th, 2015, 1:30pm**

**Doctor** : Clara why did I find this phone is my pocket? Is it yours? Why do you have two?

 **Clara** : Took you long enough! I got you the phone so we can keep in contact.

 **Doctor** : I have a phone. In fact I have a phone box!

 **Clara** : That you never answer. This is so we can send each other messages when we're too busy to meet up. Do you like the wallpaper?

 **Doctor** : Don't pursue a career in art or photoshop. It looks like a stick insect wearing a wig.

 **Clara** : That's because it is. It's you, the stick insect.

 **Doctor** : Ha. Ha.

 **Clara** : You can just change it to a normal photo you know.

 **Doctor** : You certainly went through a lot of effort for this. I'd congratulate you if it wasn't so pointless.

 **Clara** : You're loving this.

 **Doctor** : What gives you that impression?

 **Clara** : You're still replying.

 **Doctor** : I'm refueling the TARDIS.

 **Clara** : Right well my lunch is over, enjoy refuelling your box.

 **Doctor** : I'll be over later to teach you how to actually photoshop.

 **Clara** : I look forward to it :)

* * *

**Friday Janurary 16th, 2015, 3:30pm**

**Doctor** : Clara you left your thing here.

 **Clara** : Care to clarify?

 **Doctor** : Those things you wear to make yourself taller. The mini stilts!

 **Clara** : Heels.

 **Clara** : I was looking for them earlier, can you give them to me?

 **Doctor** : No. They're balancing one of the fragment links.

 **Clara** : Doctor. They're mine!

 **Doctor** : Not my fault you left them behind. I need them now.

 **Clara** : Then why did you bother telling me?

 **Doctor** : Just saw them and thought you ought to know.

 **Clara** : And here's me thinking you wanted to talk ;)

 **Doctor** : What has ;) got to do with the conversation?

 **Clara** : It's a wink face. As in I'm winking to you ;)

 **Doctor** : Stop winking, you'll look like you have a digital eye twitch.

 **Clara** : I could just smile instead

 **Clara** : :)

 **Clara** : See?

 **Doctor** : Never understood why a colon and a bracket is used to resemble a smile.

 **Clara** : Because it looks like one.

 **Doctor** : Pointless.

 **Clara** : And this is you >:(

 **Doctor** : Hilarious.

 **Clara** : Anyway I'm almost home and you better be there.

 **Clara** : With my shoes.

 **Doctor** : Yes Boss.

 **Clara** : :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically pancakes.

****Saturday Janurary 17th, 2015, 9:48am** **

**Clara** : Can you pick up some flour before you pop by?

 **Doctor** : Please don't tell me you're making another soufflé..

 **Clara** : My soufflés are amazing, excuse you, and no I'm going to make us pancakes for breakfast.

 **Doctor** : I'm not hungry.

 **Clara** : You're having breakfast.

 **Doctor** : Wouldn't it be safer if I just picked up some pancakes instead?

 **Clara** : Safe? Rich coming from you.

 **Doctor** : Or even some crêpes? From Paris! I know a remarkable chef.

 **Clara** : Doctor the whole point of it is for us to make pancakes together and then eat them.

 **Doctor** : I'm a Doctor not a chef.

 **Clara** : Well for the next half hour you're putting down that screwdriver and picking up a spatula.

 **Doctor** : They're actually called a fish slice not a spatula.

 **Clara** : Thought you weren't a chef.

 **Doctor** : I ate fish fingers for centuries, I know what a fish slice is.

 **Clara** : Just get the flour already I'm waiting here with the milk and eggs.

 **Doctor** : I'll be five minutes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All these chapters are going to be creatively short since it's just a quick texting conversation between them. There might be the odd long one, but for now they're practically minuscule!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk texting.

****Sunday Janurary 18th, 2015, 3:55am** **

**Doctor** : Clara.

 **Clara** : It's 4 am!

 **Doctor** : Right sorry 4 am.

 **Clara** : What do you want?

 **Doctor** : Conversation.

 **Clara** : You? You want to talk with me, at 4 in the morning?

 **Doctor** : Well it's not 4 am here.

 **Clara** : I'm going to sleep.

 **Doctor** : Wait Clara!

 

**4:15am**

**Doctor** : Clara?

 

**4:18am**

**Doctor** : Hello?

 

**4:22am**

1 MISSED CALL: THE DOCTOR.

 

**4:23am**

**Doctor** : Turn on your phone Clara!

 **Doctor** : Fine.

 

**4:55am**

**Doctor** : Clara I'm bored.

 **Doctor** : Some stupid pudding brains from the 32nd Century locked me up. They say I'm intoxicated.

 **Doctor** : I'm in a drunk tank! Do you have any idea how boring these little rooms are.

 **Doctor** : Almost as boring as your apartment.

 

****5:35am** **

**Doctor** : I'm sorry about insulting your apartment. It's tolerable when you're there.

 **Doctor** : Clara it's been an hour, how much longer do you sleep for?

 **Doctor** : If I was in the TARDIS I'd come home and wake you up!

 **Doctor** : Well not my home. Your home.

 **Doctor** : The TARDIS is a better home don't you think?

 

**6:15am**

**Doctor** : I can't break out for another two hours.

 **Doctor** : What am I going to do now?

 **Doctor** : How are you still sleeping? Shouldn't you be recharged by now?

 **Doctor** : Clara please wake up. I want to talk to you.

 **Doctor** : What's the point in your buying these phones for us if you don't use them when it's important.

 **Doctor** : What if my life was in danger?

 **Doctor** : What if there was something really important that I had to tell you?

 **Doctor** : Fine. I'm taking a nap since there's nothing else to do.

 

**8:26am**

**Clara** : Nice to know that you missed me.

 **Doctor** : Oh now you're awake. And no I didn't.

 **Clara** : Yes you did why else bombard me with messages throughout the night?

 **Doctor** : Bored.

 **Clara** : Admit it. You missed me ;)

 **Doctor** : We discussed this whole "smiley face" thing.

 **Clara** : I refuse to reply until you admit it. Enjoy sobering up! :)

 **Doctor** : You're being ridiculous.

 

**8:35am**

**Doctor** : Clara?

 **Doctor** : Oh you can't be serious!

 **Doctor** : Fine I don't care.

 

**8:44am**

**Doctor** : Okay fine I missed you.

 **Clara** : Ha! Didn't even last twenty minutes.

 **Clara** : How did you end up in a drunk tank in the first place?

 **Clara** : Is that what the big bad Time Lord does while I'm sleeping, goes drinking?

 **Doctor** : I was meeting up with an old friend for your information. I didn't realise that there was going to be so much scotch involved though.

 **Clara** : Still not explaining how you ended up in the drunk tank of the future.

 **Doctor** : We sort of got into a disagreement with a few others in the bar..

 **Clara** : And how do you plan to break out?

 **Doctor** : My friend is with the guard, sleeping with him probably. He'll let me out when he can.

 **Clara** : Interesting friend there Doctor, I'd love to meet him one day.

 **Doctor** : You can meet him once I get out of this cell. He's looking forward to meet you anyway. Don't get any ideas though!

 **Clara** : And what's this friend's name?

 **Doctor** : Captain Jack Harkness.

 **Doctor** : And he's finally here.

 **Clara** : Come at 11. I'm going for a shower.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out that the Doctor doesn't like the Hobbit films.

******Tuesday January 22nd, 2015, 12:25pm** ** **

**Clara:** Care to explain why the TARDIS is parked outside my school?

**Doctor** : I thought it was the students who texted during class, not the teachers.

**Clara** : Just answer my question.

**Doctor** : Isn't it obvious? I'm taking you out for lunch.

**Clara** : Where?

**Doctor:** I was thinking Oslo.

**Clara:** We're not using the TARDIS. Knowing you, I'll end up missing the rest of the school day.

**Doctor:** I'm not eating in that staff room again.

**Clara:** I know a nice café down the street.

**Doctor:** Oh a 21st century café! My hearts can't bare the excitement of it.

 

  
**6:35pm**

**Doctor:** Clara.

**Clara:** You're sitting beside me. Why are you texting me?

**Doctor:** Because it's frowned upon to talk during a movie.

**Clara:** Then shut up and watch the film.

**Doctor** : It's awful, Lord of the Rings was far better. This one is taking forever to get to the point.

**Clara** : I like it.

**Doctor:** You like the actor in it.

**Clara** : I admire his acting ability.

**Doctor** : More like his face.

**Clara:** Shut up and watch the film.

 

**6:50pm**

**Clara:** Poke me one more time and you'll lose the hand.

**Doctor** : The original trilogy is far better.

**Clara:** SHUT UP.

 

**7:20pm**

**Doctor:** Didn't know you were in the film. They even got the eyes right.

**Clara:** Did you really just compare me to Gollum?!

**Doctor** : Was your mothers ring actually the One Ring?

 

**7:25pm**

**Doctor:** There was no need to hit me.

**Clara:** You're insufferable! Can you let me enjoy the movie in peace?!

**Doctor** : Sure thing Gollum, I'll leave you with your precious.

**Clara:** I hate you.

**Doctor** : No you don't :)

**Clara** : Did really just send me a :)

**Doctor** : Isn't that what people do?

**Clara:** People yes. You no.

**Doctor** : Are you angry?

**Clara:** Take a guess.

**Doctor** : Yes?

**Clara:** Gold star for Doctor Idiot.

**Doctor** : It was only a joke.

 

**8:03pm**

**Doctor** : Okay Clara I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. I'll buy you popcorn and chocolate.

**Clara** : You don't have any money.

**Doctor** : Right yeah, can I borrow a few pounds?

**Clara** : I've a better idea. Why don't you actually shut up for the rest of the film and after you can take me to see J.R.R. Tolkien.

**Doctor** : Deal.

**Doctor** : Don't tell him about this film though.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually like the Hobbit. Just saying. 
> 
> Also if anyone has any prompts or ideas feel free to suggest them in the comments!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara's stuck in a boring staff meeting. [Prompt by guest]

****Friday January 23rd, 2015, 5:05pm** **

**Clara** : Help me.

 **Doctor** : What's wrong?? Are you hurt? I'm homing in on your device. Just keep texting me!

 **Clara** : I'm fine!

 **Clara:** Just stuck in a boring staff meeting.

 **Doctor** : First texting during class and now during staff meetings. I think you've developed a texting addiction.

 **Clara:** Says the man who texted me at 4am for a chat!

 **Doctor** : It worked though didn't it.

C **lara:**  I turned off my phone!

 **Doctor:** What if I'm in bed right now and it's 4am where I am?

 **Clara:** You don't sleep.

 **Doctor** : Yes I do, you know that.

 **Clara** : You don't sleep as much as humans so.

 **Doctor** : Great grasp on Time Lord biology there Clara.

 **Clara:** Coming from the expert on human emotions.

 **Doctor:** I don't think any creature in the universe understands your emotions. You're all a big bag of hormones.

 **Clara:** What's that implying Doctor?

 **Doctor** : Nothing just an observation.

 **Clara:** That was an implication!

 **Doctor** : Observation.

 **Clara:** Implication.

 **Doctor:** Observation  
[ob-zur-vey-shuh n]  
noun  
an act or instance of noticing or perceiving.

 **Clara:** Implication  
noun  
something implied or suggested as naturally to be inferred or understood.

 **Doctor** : I had a pronunciation aid.

 **Clara:** You used the internet.

 **Doctor** : Or I'm just clever.

 **Clara:** It's the same definition as the one online.

 **Doctor** : Maybe I have a great memory.

 **Clara:** Liar.

 

****6:10pm****

**Doctor:** How long are these meetings?

 **Clara:** They vary from half an hour to two. This one seems like a two hour one.

 **Doctor:** Do they need another caretaker?

 **Clara:** Don't even think about it.

 **Doctor** : Last time wasn't so bad.

 **Clara:** The world almost ended!

 **Doctor** : That was the Skovox Blitzer, not me.

 **Clara:** That you led into the school!

 **Doctor** : Beside that I was a wonderful caretaker. Bet those windows were never so clean before.

 **Clara:** I will ban you from the school.

 **Doctor** : Then who will you take to little boring cafés?

 **Clara:** That’s not in the school.

 **Clara:** They’re talking about Courtney. See you later.

 **Doctor** : Tell them John Smith says hello.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always happy to get ideas or prompts in the comments.


	6. Chapter 6

 

****Saturday January 24th, 2015, 1:20pm****

  
**Doctor:** Are you wearing underwear??

**Clara:** Woah, calm down boy! Where did this come from?

**Doctor:** Your bathroom. They're everywhere. 

**Clara:** Let me get this straight. You're texting me from the loo?

**Doctor:** Yes. Why do you have so many bras? Do you use them as slingshots or something? 

**Clara:** Doctor, get out. 

**Doctor:** It's like an art gallery of underwear. 

**Clara:** Stop looking at them!

**Doctor:** Do you collect them? I think stamps is a better hobby.

**Clara:** I will come home and slap you if I have to.

**Doctor:** Good, then you'll only be half an hour late. 

**Clara:** Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry, I completely forgot!

**Doctor:** Yet when I forget to land at the right time it's suddenly as if it's the end of the world.

**Clara:** It's easier to forget a date than to land ON the wrong date.

**Doctor:** I didn't forget this date.

**Clara:** Are you calling this a date?

**Doctor:** Well everyday is a date on a calender somewhere.

**Clara:** Right well have you left the bathroom yet? 

**Doctor:** Nope. I'm fixing your radiator. It's making a funny sound. 

**Clara:** Ignore the bloody radiator and get out.

**Doctor:** Clara your underwear collection doesn't bother me, though you should put your name on them in case someone robs it.

**Clara:** It's not a collection! Will you just shut up about them already?

**Doctor:** Wait you mean your wore these? 

**Clara:** That's generally the point of them.

**Doctor:** I'm out of the room.

**Clara:**  Ha ha! I can almost feel you blushing through the phone. 

**Doctor:** I'm not blushing.

**Clara:** Bet you are.

**Doctor:** Nope. 

**Clara:** Bet you ten quid that you are.

**Doctor:** I'm not a betting person Clara being a time traveler and all that.

**Clara:** Uh huh. I'm almost home. What's the plan for today?

**Doctor:** Your choice. But no fictional characters. Do you hear me?

**Clara:** I was hoping to learn a bit of magic from Harry Potter actually. 

**Doctor:** Very funny. 

**Clara:** I know I am :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea was suggested to me by DeadPigeon. I changed it up slightly, hope you don't mind!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poetry maybe? I don't know they're too short to summarise.

**Thursday January 29th, 2015, 6:45pm**

**Doctor** : Clara I know I can't see you know but I'm sure you look wonderful.

 **Clara:**  What do you want?

 **Doctor** : Why must I always want something.

 **Clara:**  Because you're being nice.

 **Doctor** : Is it working?

 **Clara:**  What do you want?

 **Doctor:**  I'd love a yoghurt right now.

 **Clara:**  Yeah sure I'll just stop correcting papers and run off to some distant part of time and space to give you your snack.

 **Doctor:**  That's all I ask.

 **Clara:**  Where are you?

 **Doctor:**  Cardiff.

 **Clara:**  When?

 **Doctor:**  Your day, was hoping you'll be around.

 **Clara:**  Why would I be in Cardiff?

 **Doctor** : Who knows with you. Probably on a school trip with your little pudding brains.

 **Clara:**  No Doctor, I'm at home correcting papers as I usually do on a Thursday.

 **Doctor:**  Dull. I don't know how you survive that.

 **Clara:**  It's not that bad. Granted a few students do make me want to claw my hair out but I've gotten used to that thanks to a certain Time Lord.

 **Doctor:**  I was like that with Missy too.

 **Clara:**  I meant you, you idiot.

 **Doctor** : Amadán.

 **Clara:**  Excuse me?

 **Doctor:**  It's a word of endearment.

 **Clara:**  I'm sure it is.

 **Doctor:**  Yup because you're so endearing when you are a bossy control freak that insults me.

 **Clara:**  How am I being a control freak right now?

 **Doctor** : You didn't deny being bossy.

 **Clara:**  I will drive up to Cardiff and hit you with my book.

 **Doctor:**  Do I'll be waiting. Like I was last week.

 **Clara:**  I already apologised. Besides it's not as if you were ever late. Mr I'll Get The Coffee And Shows Up Three Weeks Later.

 **Doctor:**  No need to Capitalise random Words Clara. This is Poetry that you're Writing.

 **Clara:**  Oh haha.

 **Doctor:**  Do you write poetry?

 **Clara:**  No.

 **Doctor** : I think you do. What kind of English teacher never tried to write poetry?

 **Clara:**  Right okay yeah a small bit, nothing big really.

 **Doctor** : Does your favourite Doctor make an appearance in it?

 **Clara:**  No.

 **Doctor:**  You can't even lie through text messages properly. I'm honoured.

 **Clara:**  One poem about our adventures. It's nothing big.

 **Doctor** : Can I read it?

 **Clara:**  Of course not!

 **Doctor:**  Why not? If it's about me I've the right to know.

 **Clara:**  It's awful so no.

 **Doctor** : Come on you're probably wrong.

 **Clara:**  No Doctor.

 

**7:25pm**

**Doctor:**  If I show you a painting I did of you, will you show me the poem?

 **Clara:**  You painted me?

 **Doctor** : A long time ago, yes.

 **Clara:**  Fine. Deal. If you exaggerated my eyes in it though or something I'll smack you.

 **Doctor:**  Two threats in one conversation. Someone's very violent.

 **Clara:**  Someones very annoying.

 **Doctor:**  Yet you're still replying.

 

**7:50pm**

**Doctor:**  You're living up to the control freak part right now.

 **Clara:**  I won't show you that poem if you keep this up.

 **Doctor:**  I'll find it don't worry.

 **Clara:**  It's been an hour and I've only gotten two papers corrected, and they're due tomorrow. Go away.

 **Doctor:**  I'll pop by with the TARDIS soon and you won't have to worry about time.

 **Clara:**  Thank you.

 **Doctor:**  As long as I see the poem.

 **Clara:**  I'll write a new one:

The Doctor - With hair of shining grey

Can't even land on the right day.

Blushes at underwear

Hasn't got a pound to spare

And try to annoy me in every possible way.

 **Doctor:**  I don't think W.B. Yeats can beat that.

 **Clara:**  I know I'm a natural.

 **Doctor:**  Egomaniac.

 **Clara:**  You love it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amadán means idiot/fool by the way. It's Irish Gaelic not Scottish Gaelic though since I only speak the Irish version but I'm sure it's not too different.


	8. Chapter 8

**Tuesday February 3rd, 2015, 4:45pm**

**Doctor:**  What does ':P' mean?

 **Clara:**  It's you, sticking out your tongue.

 **Doctor:**  I know that but what's the purpose of it?

 **Clara:**  It's usually added on when a person is being cheeky.

 **Doctor:**  Then why haven't you use it yet?

 **Clara:**  Because I'm not cheeky!

 **Doctor:**  Yes you are.

 **Clara:** No I'm not.

 **Doctor:**  You are with me.

 **Clara:**  You're the one being cheeky right now.

 **Doctor:**  How am I?

 **Clara:**  You're always doing it.

 **Doctor:**  When? Give me one example.

 **Clara:**  Yesterday, when you appeared during my class and corrected my spelling.

 **Doctor:**  It was dumbbell. With two b's.

 **Clara:**  I'll hit you with one if you ever do that again.

 **Doctor:**  Good thing you teach English and not PE.

 **Clara:**  I'll make do with a book so.

 **Doctor:**  Lobbing a book at the caretaker, great impression to make on the children.

 **Clara:**  Old caretaker.

 **Doctor:**  I don't look at much older than you.

 **Clara:**  Previous caretaker then.

 **Doctor:**  Yeah about that..

 **Clara:**  What?

 **Doctor:**  It might be current again.

 **Clara:**  No. We discussed this. You are not to come near this school with you schemes again.

 **Doctor:**  It's just a minor investigation.

 **Clara:**  I don't care. No.

 **Doctor:**  It'll only be a week relax.

 **Clara:**  RELAX? YOU ALMOST BLEW THE SCHOOL AFTER TWO DAYS!

 **Doctor:**  Technically it was the world.

 **Clara:**  Not making things better.

 **Doctor:**  At least I'm giving you a warning this time. I'd thought you'd appreciate that.

 **Clara:**  No. I won't allow it.

 **Doctor:**  One week Clara. We survived the last one. Be positive, might make you look younger.

 **Clara:**  When do you start?

 **Doctor:**  Tomorrow, try not to get too excited.

 **Clara:**  I'll have a nice thick book prepared in case you decide to disrupt my class again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was helping out the caretaker today when I got the idea to have the return of Twelve as the caretaker! I might have the next few chapters based on this, not too sure yet.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ozzie loves the Scottie

**Wednesday February 4th, 2015, 11:05am**

**Doctor:**  Clara where are you?

**Clara:**  Why do you want to know?

**Doctor:**  Because you're not at your usual habitat.

**Clara:**  My what?

**Doctor:**  Classroom. It's empty. Even the short pudding brains are gone.

**Clara:**  Children.

**Clara:**  And I've a free class. I don't actually live in that room you know.

**Doctor:**  Yeah I know, you tend to migrate between the apartment to the classroom.

**Doctor:**  Are you in your apartment?

**Clara:**  Nope.

**Doctor:**  Where then?

**Clara:**  I'm having tea with Adrian.

**Doctor:**  Why?

**Clara:**  It's called being sociable.

**Doctor:**  Not when you're head is down texting me.

**Clara:**  Then go away.

 

**11:18am**

**Clara:**  You're really bad at pretending to work you know.

**Doctor:**  What if that's what I'm trying to do.

**Clara:**  If you want to join the conversation just come over and stop looking creepy.

 

**12:09pm**

**Doctor:**  That Adrian is a nice lad.

**Clara:**  I'm in class. Bog off.

**Doctor:**  Yeah I know. I can see why you're friends with him.

**Clara:**  I will hunt you down and hit you with my book.

**Doctor:**  One word.

**Clara:**  No.

**Doctor:**  Bowties.

**Clara:**  Start counting the seconds because I am going to kill you during lunch.

**Doctor:**  Looking forward to it.

**Doctor:**  Also I got money, apparently I get paid for this job. Your turn to fetch at the café.

  
**3:32pm**

**Doctor:**  Ozzie.

**Clara:**  What?

**Doctor:**  Ozzie. Is that what they call you here? You're an abundance of nicknames aren't you.

**Clara:**  What the hell are you on about?

**Doctor:**  "Ozzie loves the Scottie." It's written on the windows. Who's this Scottie lad?

**Doctor:**  Is that supposed to mean Scott? I thought his name was Adrian.

**Clara:**  No it doesn't mean Scott. And I don't love Adrian. I've told you this a thousand time. WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

**Doctor:**  I know we are. I'm just wondering about this message.

**Clara:** Not us Doctor... Just ignore the message.

**Doctor:**  Right.. Meet you by the gates?

**Clara:** The TARDIS is still in my apartment?

**Doctor:** Well I did walk to here with you and I didn't bring the TARDIS with me.

**Clara:** I'll be five minutes. 

**Doctor:** See you soon. Ozzie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder who wrote that? *cough* Courtney *cough*


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More adventures with Ozzie and the Scottie.

****Friday February 6th, 2015, 2:40pm** **

**Clara:** Only you would be friends with the Chairman of the Governors.

 **Doctor** : Ian and I go back.

 **Doctor** : Way back.

 **Doctor** : Centuries back.

 **Clara** : You go "way back" with practically everyone.

 **Doctor** : Ian was one of the first humans I had ever met.

 **Clara:** What? Really?

 **Doctor** : Him and Barbara taught my granddaughter Susan.

 **Clara:** You never told me much about her.

 **Doctor** : Didn't think you'd be interested.

 **Clara** : Don't you ever pop by to visit her?

 **Doctor** : Who? Susan? I suppose I promised her one day I'll return again.

 **Clara:** And have you?

 **Doctor** : Well my eighth incarnation did.

 **Clara** : But this one hasn’t?

 **Doctor:** No.

 **Clara:** Well today's that day!

 **Doctor** : I don't think now is the best time.

 **Clara** : Is that what you've been telling yourself all this time? Come on, you said today is my choice and I choose this.

 **Doctor** : I’m not even sure where she is.

 **Clara** : Then we look. I thought you were the embodiment of adventure.

 **Doctor** : Clara I'm not the same man as I was all those years ago.

 **Clara** : Nobody is the same person they were when they're young. Doesn't mean we shouldn't forget those we knew. Besides I'd love to hear some of the stories that she has to tell.

 **Doctor** : Which is exactly why we are not going.

 **Clara** : Today is my choice.

 **Doctor** : Anything besides that.

 **Clara** : No.

 **Doctor** : Aren't you supposed to teaching?

 **Clara:** Aren't you supposed to care taking?

 **Doctor** : I'm a Time Lord, I'm very capable of multitasking.

 **Clara:** And I am a woman which makes me just as capable.

 **Doctor** : I don't know what to do with you.

 **Clara:** Take me to see Susan would be a good start.

 **Doctor:** If I take you to see her will you shut up?

 **Clara:** Maybe. It might keep me quiet for a short while.

 **Doctor:** Calling you Ozzie today seemed to work too though.

 **Clara:** That's because you called me it in front of the entire class!

 **Doctor:** :)

 **Clara:** Don't do that.

 **Doctor:** Do what?

 **Clara** : That smiley face. It's creepy.

 **Doctor** : It's only a colon and a bracket. How is that creepy?

 **Clara** : Because you're doing it.

 **Doctor:** Ozzie :)

 **Clara:** Call me Ozzie again and I'll smack those eyebrows right off of you.

 **Doctor:** Right.. well as much as I love talking to you, I have actual work to do. Bye Ozzie.

 **Clara** : Say goodbye to those eyebrows instead.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This prompt was suggested by deadpigeon.   
> Oh and the previous chapter was suggested by kookiecraft (sorry I was rushing when I published the last chapter!)

****Saturday February 7th, 2015, 3:50pm** **

**Doctor** : Where are you?

 **Clara** : Out.

 **Doctor** : I can see that, but it's Saturday so you're not teaching and the apartment is full of food so you're not shopping.

 **Clara** : Great job Sherlock, can you deduct where I am?

 **Doctor** : Detention duty?

 **Clara** : Try again.

 **Doctor** : I'm not playing guessing games.

 **Clara** : I'm out with friends.

 **Doctor** : Vastra and Jenny?

 **Clara** : Wrong century. No my non-time travelling friends.

 **Doctor** : Who are they?

 **Clara** : People.

 **Doctor** : Humans?

 **Clara** : I presume so.

 **Doctor** : Want me to find out? I got my Zygon detector working again.

 **Clara** : Don't scan my friends.

 **Doctor** : They won't even notice me.

 **Clara** : Haven't you got anything better to do?

 **Doctor** : I had rearranged your bookshelf. Honestly for an English teacher you're very disorganised.

 **Clara** : Hmm I wonder why. It's definitely not because my time travelling alien doesn't randomly whisk me off to different planets.

 **Doctor** : Sarcasm doesn't work well with texting.

 **Clara** : I'll be home later.

 **Doctor** : When?

 **Clara** : Later.

 

****4:20pm** **

**Doctor** : Where do you keep the spices?

 **Clara** : What are you doing?

 **Doctor** : Oh just saving the Earth with some paprika.

 **Clara** : Are you cooking?

 **Doctor** : Don't sound too surprised. I'm am excellent cook.

 **Clara:** Oh I'm sure you are.

 **Doctor** : Paprika?

 **Clara** : Back of the second cupboard from the fridge. Next to the flour.

 **Doctor** : You store the flour and paprika together?

 **Clara** : They're in separate containers..

 **Doctor** : Right. Where's the oil stored?

 **Clara:** Cooking oil?

 **Doctor** : No motor oil. I'm making dinner for a robot.

 **Clara**. Haw haw. Cupboard above the kettle.

 **Clara** : This is actually rather sweet of you.

 **Doctor** : Paprika chicken isn't a sweet dish.

 **Clara** : That's not what I meant.

 **Doctor** : Doesn't matter, I'm cooking stop distracting me.

 **Clara:** Are you wearing an apron?

 **Doctor** : Go away. Come back at 6.

 **Clara** : So you are wearing an apron.

 **Doctor** : Shut up.

 **Clara** : ;)

 

****5:14pm** **

1 MISSED CALL: THE DOCTOR

 **Doctor** : DO YOU HAVE A FIRE EXTINGUISHER??!

 **Clara** : WHAT DID YOU DO?! GET ONE FROM THE TARDIS!

1 MISSED CALL: CLARA OSWALD

 **Clara** : Doctor?

 **Clara:** Are you okay?

 **Clara:** DOCTOR!

 **Doctor** : On the bright side I saved your kitchen and ordered takeaway, but I may have destroyed your apron and oven.

 **Clara:** I'm banning you from the kitchen.

 **Doctor** : I got pizza from this place called Domino's though. They might even be in rectangular shapes.

 **Clara:** You destroyed my oven!

 **Doctor** : I can fix it.

 **Clara:** You better.

 **Doctor** : If not, I'll get a new one from the TARDIS. Don't worry, you don't want to look any older than you already do.

 **Doctor:** Sorry about the apron though.

 **Clara** : Don't worry about the apron. I expect a new oven though.

 **Doctor** : Yes Boss. Pizza will be here in less than an hour.

 **Clara** : And the oven.

 **Doctor:** Replacing it now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to give a special thank you to all those who commented praise, suggested ideas and gave me constructive criticism which helped me improve my stories. I greatly appreciate them all, and every one of them has made me smile.   
> That sound's like I'm not writing any more, don't worry there's still more to come!   
> Also if anyone here is interest in Sherlock I started rewriting a Sherlock fanfic. It's rated M though for violence.


	12. Chapter 12

******Wednesday 11th, 2015, 11:40am** ** **

**Doctor** : Are you okay?

 **Clara:**  I've literally been gone five minutes.

 **Doctor** : That's 300 seconds.

 **Clara** : Which adds up to only five minutes.

 **Doctor** : What are you doing?

 **Clara** : Photocopying. Which is why I asked you to mind the class for a few minutes. Where you even listening?

 **Doctor** : I heard few minutes and it's been a few minutes.

 **Clara:**  Just stop texting me and mind the class.

 **Doctor** : They're fine. I found a way to keep them quiet and do some work on the Merchant of Venice. Honestly I'm more of a Macbeth person but they said they had to do the Merchant of Venice.

 **Clara** : You got them all to start their Shakespeare essays?

 **Clara:**  Even Brad?

 **Doctor:**  Who?

 **Clara:**  Boy, blonde hair. Third row from the left.

 **Doctor** : Ahh pudding brain number 14. He's grand.

 **Clara** : You can't number the children!

 **Doctor** : How else am I going to remember them.

 **Clara:**  It's unethical to number the students.

 **Doctor:**  I number myself.

 **Clara** : That's because there's several of yous running around the universe.

 **Clara:**  Yous doesn't sound like a proper word...

 **Doctor** : Well 'Brad' is perfectly fine. In fact the whole class are fine. I don't see why you complain about them all the time.

 **Clara** : That's because you probably possess some Time Lord skill or something.

 **Doctor** : Or you know. Teaching skills.

 

**12:05pm**

**Clara:**  WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!

 **Clara** : HAVE YOU TAKEN THEM TO THE TARDIS?! THEY CAN'T ACTUALLY MEET SHAKESPEARE!

 **Doctor** : Don't be absurd Clara. We're in the hall.

 **Clara** : What are you doing there?

 **Doctor** : Shakespeare.

 **Clara:**  You're acting out the play?

 **Doctor:**  What better way to learn a play than to be in it.

 **Clara:**  That's actually a good idea.

 **Doctor** : See? And Shakespeare thought so too.

 **Doctor** : Hurry up! He's dying to meet you.

 **Doctor** : No flirting though!

 **Clara:**  Who?

 **Doctor** : Shakespeare. I told you it was ridiculous to take so many children to meet him. I'm not repeating the last time they were in the TARDIS. So I brought him to meet the children.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A group of students swipe Clara's phone.

********Friday 13th, 2015, 12:50pm** ** ** **

**Clara:** I just loooove that scottish accent of yours xxxx

 **Doctor:** Clara, are you alright?

 **Clara** : Im perfectly fine John xxx

 **Doctor:** Why are you calling me John?

 **Clara:** I mean Doctor xxx

 **Doctor:** Have you after hitting your head or something?

 **Clara:** Maybe when I fell for you xxx

 **Doctor:** Right who is this and what have you done to Clara?

 **Clara:**  We haven't touched her!! 

 **Clara:** She just left her phone behind after class. We're only having a laugh.

 **Doctor:** Your joke is hilarious. Now give the phone back to her.

 **Clara:** You know she has a little picture of a stick insect as your contact photo?

 **Doctor:** I'm not surprised.

 **Clara:** What's hers on your phone?

 **Doctor** : Why do you care?

 **Clara:** Curious and bored.

 **Doctor:** I'm sure Miss Oswald is looking for her phone by now.

 **Clara:** Gwan tell us.

 **Doctor** : It's of her, as any normal person would have it as. Now give it back.

 **Clara** : Mr Smith?

 **Doctor** : What??

 **Clara** : Do you love Miss Oswald?

 **Doctor:** Give the phone back to her now. I have no time for your silly games.

 **Clara:** So that's a yes?

 **Doctor** : That's a return the phone to Clara before I hunt you down and get you fired.

 **Clara:** You mean expelled?

 **Doctor:** That too.

 **Clara** : Do you snog her in the caretaker shed?

 **Doctor:** Excuse me?

 **Clara:** Do you?

 **Doctor** : You shouldn't even know what snogging is.

 **Clara** : Were 16 of course we know what snogging is..

 **Doctor:** But not punctuation is seems.

 **Clara:** What?

 **Doctor** : We're.

 **Clara:** Why does she call you The Doctor?

 **Clara:** Are you a Doctor?

 **Doctor** : It's what I'm called.

 **Clara** : Bit pretentious no?

 **Doctor:** Rich coming from the phone thieves.

 **Clara** : We're only borrowing it. We intend to give it back

 **Doctor:** Where have I heard that one before.

 **Clara:** Well leave it on her desk.

**Doctor:** Good.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara's "birthday".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it was my dads birthday yesterday and there's still cake left over I think now is the perfect time to do a prompt by Lydia Oswald. I'm laughing so hard at your username by the way. I think it's brilliant.

**********Saturday 15th, 2015, 1:30pm** ** ** ** **

**Doctor:** Happy Birthday! I got you candles for your cake. I wasn't so sure how many so I got 60. Close enough right?

 **Clara:** It's not my birthday and 60 is DOUBLE the amount I would need.

 **Doctor:** Oh it is now. I added it up. Are you sure about that? I mean you did forget your own birthday..

 **Doctor** : Keep doing that and suddenly you missed a few decades. Trust me it's easier to do than you think.

 **Clara** : Yeah except we're not all 2000 year old Time Lords are we? Some of us might only be 28 year old humans.

 **Doctor** : Either way it's your birthday regardless of your age.

 **Clara:** IT'S FEBRUARY!

 **Doctor** : And the TARDIS is blue.

 **Clara:** My birthday is in November..

 **Doctor** : Yes it was but don't humans generally celebrate their birthday every 365.25 days?

 **Clara:** We celebrate our birthdays on the day of our birth, which happens to be 365.25 days apart.

 **Clara:** 365.25? That's very specific.

 **Doctor:** Well in the year 6728 a man slowed down the Earth's orbit because he wanted a longer summer. Of course he forgot the meant a longer winter.

 **Clara:** For geniuses, so people can be remarkably thick.

 **Doctor** : I know.

 **Clara** : Directed at you dumbo.

 **Doctor:** Sorry for assuming that you celebrated birthdays every 365.25 days..

 **Clara:** It hasn't actually been 365 days for me, has it?

 **Doctor** : Well I've been keeping track and I don't think I missed a day so yup. So you're what now 30?

 **Clara:** 29!

 **Doctor** : Almost there.

 **Clara:** Suppose it's better than 60.

 **Doctor** : There's nothing wrong with 60.

 **Clara:** That's because you practically look it.

 **Doctor:** Do I?

 **Clara:** No. Maybe around 50.

 **Doctor** : Taking 10 years off my life there Clara and we're not even married yet.

 **Clara:** Yet?

 **Doctor:** Just waiting for your proposal.

 **Clara:** Oh haw haw.

 **Doctor** : So are you celebrating your birthday or not?

 **Clara:** Depends.

 **Doctor** : On?

 **Clara:** What you got me ;)

 **Doctor** : Ah there's that digital eye twitch.

 **Clara:** Did you really just get me candles for my birthday?

 **Doctor** : There's cake too.

 **Clara** : Oh my Time Lord spoils me!

 **Doctor:** Least my baking won't poison us.

 **Clara:** No just set fire to my kitchen.

 **Doctor** : You weren't even home.

 **Clara:** The room smelt of smoke for days!

 **Doctor** : I can take the cake away so if you don't want it.

 **Clara** : Where is it?

 **Doctor** : In your not-on-fire kitchen. Hurry, Strax is getting impatient.

 **Clara:** Strax is there?

 **Doctor** : Vastra, Jenny, Robin Hood and a few other people who you seem to like too.

 **Clara:** Wait. Is this a surprise party?

 **Doctor** : Yeah.

 **Clara:** Not very secretive is it?

 **Doctor:** Are you surprised?

 **Clara:** Well.. yeah.

 **Doctor:** Then it's still a surprise party. Just walk in and pretend to be shocked.

 **Doctor:** Maybe declare how I'm your favourite person in all of time and space in front of Robin too.

 **Clara:** Somebody's a bit jealous.

 **Doctor:** That's not jealously.

 **Clara:** Oh and what is it then?

 **Doctor:** Anti-Robin Hood.

 **Clara:** Right. Well we can go over the definition of jealousy over a slice of cake.

 **Doctor:** So you're coming? Good. Then hurry up, I don't know how much longer I can keep Strax away from the cake.

 **Clara:** The bus can only go so fast.

 **Doctor** : Can you tell the driver that it's a matter between cake and death?

 **Clara:** Sadly not.

 **Doctor** : You're not even trying.

 **Clara** : Nope, doesn't matter. I'm almost there anyway.

 **Doctor** : I'm on the verge of declaring war against the Sontarans over a cake, come on.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IKEA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea was suggested by midnightreunion. Thanks, I loved writing this one.

**********Sunday 16th, 2015, 2:30pm** ** ** ** **

**Clara:** Where did you go?

 **Doctor:** I thought I saw the TARDIS in here and got curious.

 **Clara:** That wasn't the TARDIS..

 **Doctor** : Yeah I realised that when I opened it and saw a toilet.

 **Clara:** You know I'm laughing at my phone like an idiot.

 **Doctor** : Nothing new there.

 **Clara:** OI! Least I didn't wander off looking for a Toilet And Restroom Dimension In Space.

 **Doctor:** Shut up.

 **Clara:** Was it bigger on the inside?

 **Doctor** : No, but this place is. It doesn't end!

 **Clara:** Yeah I'd want a map to help me find what I want.

 **Doctor** : Why are we here?

 **Clara** : I told you. I need to grab a few bits and I need you to help me bring them home.

 **Doctor** : The TARDIS could just supply you with them, why bother going to this monster of a store?

 **Clara** : I love shopping in IKEA. It's almost like an adventure.

 **Doctor** : After all we've been through, you regard this as an adventure??

 **Clara:** Admit it, you got excited when you thought you saw that port a potty.

 **Doctor** : Curious does not always mean excited.

 **Clara** : Please you ran off to it like a dog after a bone.

 **Clara:** Are you still there?

 **Doctor:** No I went looking for you.

 **Clara:** Where are you now?

 **Doctor:** The culinary section.

 **Doctor:** Hey look I found your old oven!

 **Clara:** We're not talking about the oven okay? I'm by the electronics. Come find me. I need your help with something.

 **Doctor:** Right Boss.

********** ** ** **

**********2:50pm** ** ** ** **

**Clara:** Doctor it's been ten minutes, where are you?

 **Doctor:** I'm not quite sure.

 **Clara:** How can you not be sure?

 **Doctor:** All I can see is bloody carpet!

 **Clara:** That's nowhere near the electronics.

 **Doctor** : How was I supposed to know where they were?!

 **Clara:** Oh this is great. The big bad Time Lord lost in IKEA.

 **Doctor:** I think it's a maze. It's designed so people will get trapped in here.

 **Clara:** You're being over dramatic. It's just a shop, like any other.

 **Doctor:** I don't get lost Clara. I've a better sense of direction than any human. There is definitely something wrong about here.

 **Clara:** If you say so. I'll be right by the sofas, waiting.

 **Doctor:** Don't sit down, Clara. Stay alert. You never know when they'll decide to attack.

 **Clara:** And who are 'they' exactly?

 **Doctor:** I don't know yet but I'll find out soon enough.

 **Clara:** Doctor it's a shop! A very big shop granted but only a shop. It's not an alien invasion.

 **Doctor:** That's what they want you to think.

 **Clara:** Stop being paranoid and help me with my shopping!

 **Doctor** : Wait I can see something lurking about the curtains.

 **Doctor:** Do not trust anything wearing yellow.

 **Clara:** They're not aliens.. They're the employees.

********** ** ** **

**********3:05pm** ** ** ** **

**Clara:** Doctor do NOT attack the workers!

********** ** ** **

**********3:10pm** ** ** ** **

**Clara** : Doctor!

**********3:20pm** ** ** ** **

**Doctor:** I need you to come by the security office...

 **Clara:** Christ! What did you do!?

 **Doctor:** They took me in for apparently stalking an employee.

**Clara** : Remind me to never take you to IKEA again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Wednesday 18th, 2015, 5:10pm**

**Clara:**  Your TARDIS won't open for me again.

 **Doctor:**  Yeah there's a problem with her doors. I can't get them to open.

 **Clara:**  What's she playing at?

 **Doctor:**  Oi it's not always her fault. There's probably something wrong with the wiring. Shouldn't be longer than a few hours.

 **Clara:**  A few hours? You're in the middle of my hallway! I can't get into half of my apartment.

 **Doctor:**  Well I can't get into any of your apartment so be grateful about that.

 **Clara:**  You're blocking off my bedroom and bathroom!

 **Doctor:**  Patience is rarity with you.

 **Clara:**  Pot kettle black.

 **Doctor:**  Saucepan cooker white. Why are we listing off kitchen appliances?

 **Clara:**  Nevermind.

 **Doctor:**  I don't see how a cup of tea will fix this situation.

 **Clara:**  Can't you move her to the living room or something?

 **Doctor:**  I'd rather not, if there's something wrong it's safest not to do anything until I fix it.

**5:20pm**

**Doctor:**  Oi watch your language I can hear you shouting from in here. I wonder what your neighbours think of you.

 **Clara:**  Then maybe you should've watched where you land the TARDIS!

 **Doctor:**  I didn't expect her to break down here!

 **Clara:**  Right I'm going to make some tea and do my grading. Don't make too much noise.

 **Doctor:**  Coffee for me thanks.

 **Clara:**  Sure thing. I'll have plenty of sugar in it for you.

 **Doctor:**  Thanks sweetheat.

 **Clara:**  That was sarcasm you idiot. How am I supposed to be able to bring it in to you?

 **Doctor:**  Oh right yeah. Forget the coffee.

**6:15pm**

**Clara:**  I can hear you singing. Is that T Rex?

 **Doctor:**  That's just me playing music.

 **Clara:**  Last time I checked they weren't Scottish.

 **Doctor:**  Miller Anderson was, besides I'm not Scottish.

 **Clara:**  No but you do sound it. Don't let me stop you. Keep belting out the lyrics to Bang a Gong, I don't mind.

**8:35pm**

**Clara:**  I need to use the loo.

 **Doctor:**  Too bad for you.

 **Clara:**  Hurry up and fix the bloody thing!

 **Doctor:**  All in due time Clara.

 **Doctor:**  OI KICKING IT WONT HELP!

 **Clara:**  Worth a shot. I can't even climb over it.

 **Clara:**  No short jokes.

 **Doctor** : Just hold it?

 **Clara:**  It's been hours.

 **Doctor:**  Well don't think of water running like waterfalls and such.

 **Clara:**  NOT HELPING.

 **Doctor:**  Just use the neighbours.

 **Clara:**  She better be fixed by the time I get back.

**12:05am**

**Clara:**  It's a door! How hard is it to fix a door?

 **Doctor:**  It's the door of a time machine Clara.

 **Clara:**  It's still a door!

 **Doctor:**  Nothing I've tried seems to be working. Unless you've got any idea.

 **Clara:**  Could it be the lock?

 **Doctor:**  I never actually checked.

 **Clara:**  You didn't even check to see if it was locked??

 **Doctor:**  Well it's not usually...

 **Clara:**  Try the lock already.

 **Doctor:**  Don't you have a key?

 **Clara:**  It's on my bedside table. In my unaccessible bedroom.

 **Doctor:**  Handy place to have it.

 **Clara:**  It was, until some idiot parked his TARDIS in front of it.

 **Doctor:**  You're going mad with the name calling today.

 **Clara:**  Have you tried the key yet?

 **Doctor:**  I'm looking for one.

 **Doctor:**  Found it. It probably won't work anyway.

**  
**  


_It works._


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are times when the Doctor seriously regrets having a mobile.

**Thursday 19th, 2015, 10:35pm**

**Doctor:** Clara have I ever told you how much I love round things?

 **Clara** : Yes, you have on several occasions.

 **Doctor** : AND I told you your face is round.

 **Clara:** Is this meant to be a compliment?

 **Doctor** : It's like a perfect circle.

 **Clara** : Right.

 **Doctor** : I think I might change your name on my phone to round thing. I'll call you that from now on. My round thing.

 **Clara** : Please don't.

 **Doctor** : You call me grey haired stick insect!!

 **Clara:** That's because you look like one.

 **Doctor** : And you look like a round thing.

 **Clara:** My face you mean.

 **Doctor** : That too..

 **Clara:** Are you okay?

 **Doctor** : I'm perfect! I'm happy as.. That lad you say who's always happy!

 **Clara** : Happy as Larry?

 **Doctor** : Yeah him! We should meet him some day. He sounds like a nice fella to meet.

 **Clara** : It's just a saying. Have you hit your head by any chance?

 **Doctor** : I don't think so..

 **Clara:** Maybe you should come here just so I can check.

 **Clara** : It's 10:45pm, 19th February, 2015, London, Great Britain, Earth. Just incase you forgot that.

 **Doctor** : Yeah um how do I do that?

 **Clara** : You forgot the fly the TARDIS... again?!

 **Doctor** : Metaphorically speaking... Yes.

 **Clara** : There is no metaphors in this conversation.

 **Doctor** : What about Larry?

 **Clara** : That's a simile.

 **Doctor** : I like your smile.

 **Clara** : I said simile not smile but thank you anyway.

 **Clara** : So what's wrong with you and don't say there isn't anything wrong.

 **Doctor** : Well I was on this planet.. And I forgot to do an environmental check. Turned out there was this funny gas. Harmless. Should fade soon. It's quite nice actually. I should bottle some for you!

 **Clara** : So you're telling me.. you're high.

 **Doctor** : Well I'm taller than you. But that's okay, I can help get things from high shelves for you.

 **Clara** : You're a high shelf.

 **Doctor** : Am I?

 **Clara** : Yes. Yes you are, and high shelves do not go back outside to bottle some strange gas for their friends okay? You're to sit down and talk to me.

 **Doctor** : But it's so nice. You don't know what you're missing.

 **Clara** : Oh trust me I do.

 **Doctor** : Sometimes it's hard being a high shelf.

 **Clara:** I'm sure it is.

 **Doctor** : You wouldn't understand. You're a round thing.

 **Clara** : Can you stop calling me a round thing?

 **Doctor** : Okay we can think of other round things to call you. Cookies, footballs, stars... I can call stars!

 **Clara** : How about just Clara?

 **Doctor** : Yeah Clara's the best.

 **Clara** : And how is that?

 **Doctor** : Sometimes I find it difficult to talk to people and I get it wrong but she's helping me improve so I love her.

 **Clara** : Well Clara says that she enjoys helping the Doctor, even when he gets it wrong.

 **Doctor** : Wait aren't you Clara? My phone says so.

 **Clara:** I am Clara lol.

 **Doctor** : What's lol?

 **Clara:** It means laughing out loud.

 **Doctor** : Are you laughing?

 **Clara** : I am indeed.

 **Doctor** : That's good. Laughing is always good.

 **Clara** : Are you laughing Doctor?

 **Doctor** : I don't know.

 **Clara** : How do you not know?

 **Doctor:** Things are getting a bit blurry and dark.

 **Clara** : Maybe you should get some sleep.

 **Doctor** : Maybe. But I don't need sleep.

 **Clara** : Your body is telling you otherwise.

 **Doctor** : Shelves don't sleep.

 **Clara:** No they lie down. So find somewhere nice and comfy to lie down and in a few hours you'll remember how to fly the TARDIS and you can visit me, okay?

 **Doctor** : That sounds like a good plan.

 **Clara** : The best.

 **Doctor** : Like Clara.

 **Clara** : Exactly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea came from my dad texting me while at work and sounded like he was high (he wasn't just happy over something). Again prompts and reviews are always welcome :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welsh and Knock knock jokes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the Welsh idea because I was reading a message in Welsh earlier, and the knock knock joke idea was suggested by DeadPigeon.

**Friday, 20th February, 6:03pm**

**Clara** : llyogyd grawnfftyd

 **Doctor** : What?

 **Clara** : ysgwydd

 **Doctor:** Are you attempting Welsh?

 **Clara** : llaeth gjkd

 **Doctor** : Do you want milk?

 

**6:18pm**

**Doctor** : Clara?

 

**6:25pm**

**Doctor** : TARDIS calling Clara!

 **Doctor:** If you want to learn Welsh I could teach it to you.

 **Clara** : Oh gosh. Sorry! I must of buttdialed.

 **Doctor** : Why would you do that? Is there something wrong with your hands?

 **Clara** : No my phone was in my pocket. It must of texted you by mistake.

 **Doctor** : So you don't want milk..

 **Clara** : Did you actually get me milk?

 **Doctor** : Well you asked for it!

 **Clara** : How?

 **Doctor** : "Llaeth."

 **Clara** : And that means milk?

 **Doctor:** Don't you know Welsh?

 **Clara** : Nope.

 **Doctor** : What kind of British person doesn't speak Welsh?

 **Doctor** : Oh wait wrong century. It's still in English.

 **Clara** : Wait.. what?

 **Doctor** : Nothing. So you don't want the milk?

 **Clara:** Well I actually am running low..

 **Doctor** : On the way.

* * *

 

**Monday, 23rd February, 12:45pm**

**Clara** : Knock knock.

 **Doctor** : What?

 **Clara** : You’re supposed to say who’s there.

 **Doctor** : Why? I know it’s you.

 **Clara:** Just say it.

 **Doctor:** Who’s there?

 **Clara:** Needle.

 **Doctor** : Have you gone bananas?

 **Clara** : Just say needle who!

 **Doctor** : Needle who?

 **Clara** : Needle little money for the cinema.

 **Doctor** : Okay. I’m not sure if I have the right currency on me. I’ll be a few minutes.

 **Clara:** It’s a joke Doctor.

 **Doctor** : What is?

 **Clara:** It’s a knock knock joke.

 **Doctor:** Right.

 **Clara:** Have you ever heard of a knock knock joke?

 **Doctor** : Of course I have.

 **Clara** : Liar.

 **Doctor** : I just deleted them from my memory.

 **Clara:** Well then, now is the best time to teach them to you. :)

 **Doctor:** I think I’ll skip this class.

 **Clara** : Oi! I got a whole book of these so sit down and listen.

 **Doctor** : I can’t exactly listen to a text.

 **Clara** : Just shut up and laugh at the jokes.

 **Doctor** : Only if they’re actually funny.

 **Clara** : Knock knock.

 

**1:05pm**

**Clara** : Doctor?

 **Doctor:** Yes?

 **Clara:** You’re supposed to say who’s there!

 **Doctor:** Again?

 **Clara:** Yes!

 **Doctor** : Fine. Who’s there?

 **Clara:** Adore.

 **Doctor:** Adore who?

 **Clara:** Adore is between us. Open up!

 **Doctor:** I highly doubt that.

 **Clara:** Right. I’ll try another one. I’m going to make you laugh sooner or later!

 **Doctor:** You know I have other things to be doing.

 **Clara:** It’s not as if you’re short on time.

 **Doctor:** Do I have to listen to these?

 **Clara** : Yes, I’m determined to make you laugh. Plus I’m bored. Now hush.

 **Doctor** : You’ve done that without a bunch of stupid jokes.

 **Clara** : Knock knock.

 **Doctor** : Who’s there?

 **Clara:** Lettuce.

 **Doctor** : Lettuce who?

 **Clara** : Lettuce in it’s cold out here.

 **Doctor** : I’m sure it is. It’s -273.15 Celsius out there.

 **Clara:** You’re such a buzzkill.

 **Doctor** : My pleasure. Can I go now?

 **Clara:** Okay wait one more.

 **Doctor:** Fine, go.

 **Clara:** Knock knock.

 **Doctor** : Who’s there?

 **Clara:** Doctor.

 **Doctor:** Doctor who?

 **Clara:** That’s the joke apparently.

 **Doctor:** I don’t get it.

 **Clara:** Neither do I.

 **Doctor:** Where are you getting these jokes?

 **Clara:** I confiscated a joke book from a girl last class.

 **Doctor:** Tell her she needs to get better joke books.

 **Clara:** Did you laugh?

 **Doctor:** Only at how awful they were.

 **Clara:** Still worked ;)

 **Doctor:** I’m banning that thing.

 **Clara:** You mean this ;) ?

 **Doctor** : Yes.

 **Clara:** Good luck with that ;)

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fáilte go hÉireann.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think all the non English words are translated later in the text. If not let me know.

**Saturday, 28rd March, 2:05pm**

**Clara:** What's chips in Irish?

 **Doctor:** Sceallóga. Why?

 **Clara:** How do I pronounce that?

 **Doctor:** Sceallóga.

 **Clara:** For the English speaker please.

 **Doctor:** Chips.

 **Clara:** Doctor!

 **Doctor** : What?

 **Clara:** How can I pronounce the word sceallóga?

 **Doctor:** Ska-low-gah

 **Clara:** Thanking you.

 **Doctor:** Are you going to tell me why you're asking me?

 **Clara:** Yeah, just how do I say "Can I have five bags of chips?" in Irish?

 **Doctor:** Ba mhaith liom cuig mála sceallóga le do thoil. Now tell me why or have fun pronouncing that.

 **Clara:** You know already. I told you about the trip last time I saw you.

 **Doctor:** I was probably napping.

 **Clara:** You were looking at me.

 **Doctor:** Still could've been napping. So where are you?

 **Clara** : Achill Island in Ireland. I'm on a trip with a few friends and only realised that it's a Gaelic speaking region when we got there.

 **Doctor** : They do speak English too Clara. It's not the Celtic ages.

 **Clara:** We're trying to make an effort you know.

 **Doctor:** Ordering a bag of chips in Irish. How kind of you.

 **Clara:** Yes well I'm almost at the front of the queue so a pronunciation guide would be helpful.

 **Doctor** : Ba moth lum coo-ig maw-la ska-low-gah le duh hull.

 **Clara** : That sounds nothing like how it's written.

 **Doctor:** Just because your words are pronounced differently in English doesn't mean they are all pronounced like that.

 **Clara** : Right. Well I'm about to order. Wish me luck!

 **Doctor:** Yeah good luck.

 

**2:25pm**

**Clara:** Well that was a failure.

 **Doctor:** How bad?

 **Clara:** She said something that I didn't understand so I just launched the order at her. Things were seeming to go well then until she asked something so I just nodded hoping for the best. Turned out she was asking where I was from and I just nodded.

 **Doctor** : Pity I wasn't there.

 **Clara:** To translate for me?

 **Doctor** : That too I suppose.

 **Clara** : At least I got the chips.

 **Doctor** : So all is good in the world. You managed to abolish all misery on planet Earth with your Irish bag of chips.

 **Clara** : You're lucky that I need you today.

 **Doctor** : You need me?

 **Clara:** Yeah you're my pocket dictionary for the next few days.

 **Doctor** : Or you could just buy one or even use this amazing invention called the Internet.

 **Clara:** Nah a dictionary can't give me sentences and I don't trust google translate since I'm always hearing the French teacher give out about his students using it.

 **Doctor** : I have better things to be doing that help you speak Irish.

 **Clara:** I'll text you later, can't be ignoring the group.

 **Doctor** : I'm serious Clara.

 **Clara:** Bye! :)

 

**3:45pm**

**Clara** : What does trá mean?

 **Doctor** : Beach and I thought we discussed this.

 **Clara:** Oh lovely thank you!

 **Doctor** : I am not your bloody dictionary!

 **Clara:** I think I might change your name on my phone to that.

 **Doctor** : I actually prefer 'grey haired stick insect'..

 **Clara:** Too bad.

 **Doctor:** I'll change yours to 'anchúinse rialaithe' so.

 **Clara:** I'm guessing that means round thing in Gaelic.

 **Doctor** : It's control freak in Irish.

 **Clara:** Thanks.

 **Doctor** : You're very welcome.

 

**7:55pm**

**Clara:** How do I say yes in Irish?

 **Doctor:** To what?

 **Clara:** It's better than just nodding and shaking my head all the time.

 **Doctor** : You can't say yes in Irish.

 **Clara** : Hence why I'm asking you.

 **Doctor:** No I mean you can't. There isn't a word for yes in Irish. When a person asks something such as 'Is it raining?' in Irish the reply is 'It is raining.'

 **Clara:** Gosh they really have a complicated language.

 **Doctor:** Try and learn English for the first time.

 **Clara:** It's not that complicated. At least we have a word for yes.

 **Doctor** : I want to read the book on reeds but I had already read the red copy of that.

 **Clara:** Point proven.

 **Doctor:** I'd love to hear you try and speak Gallifreyan.

 **Clara:** Teach it to me and you might.

 **Doctor** : First we'll get you to grasp the basics of Irish and then maybe I'll teach you a few words of Gallifreyan.

 **Clara:** Looking forward to it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in a Gaelic speaking region a few days ago, which is where I got the idea.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return of the Eleventh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Póg mo thoin means kiss my ass.

**Saturday, 28rd March, 11:20pm (Same day)**

**Clara:** Pog mo thoin!

_(Translation: Kiss my ass.)_

**Doctor:** Excuse me?

 **Clara:** I learned some Irish.

 **Doctor** : Do you know what that means?

 **Clara:** Nope but it's written in the wall of the pub so I assume it's something about drink.

 **Doctor:** Not even close.

 **Clara:** What does it mean.

 **Doctor:** Not translating that.

 **Clara:** Ooh is it a bad word?

 **Doctor:** Just look it up.

 

**11:25pm**

**Clara:** Oh I'm definitely using that phrase again.

 **Doctor** : I don't want any of that language around me.

 **Clara:** Póg

 **Doctor:** Don't you dare.

 **Clara:** mo

 **Doctor:** Clara I will come over there and take that phone off of you.

 **Clara:** Killjoy.

 **Doctor:** I presume you're drinking.

 **Clara:** No I'm just sitting in the pub to admire the view. Just love the mix of oak and stone.

 **Doctor:** I sometimes go there for the music.

 **Clara** : They're called a kaylee band, yeah?

 **Doctor:** Céilí. Yeah I used to go there with River.

 **Clara** : Omg I knew that was you!

 **Doctor:** What?

 **Clara:** You're here. Playing a drum I think.

 **Doctor:** What do you mean I'm there?

 **Clara:** I mean who else with floppy hair wears a white suit to a pub.

 **Doctor:** That suit was probably the only decent thing I wore.

 **Clara:** I liked the bowtie.

 **Doctor:** Don't mention the bowtie. I'm still suffering from the embarrassment.

 **Clara:** Oh someone just spilt their drink on you.

 **Doctor:** I know Clara I was there.

 **Clara:** Oh and there's River.

 **Doctor:** Are you going to narrate the whole thing? Because I'll turn off the phone so.

 **Clara:** Aw your suit it ruined now.

 **Doctor:** Will you shut up about my bloody clothes.

 **Clara:** I remember you asking for opinion on your style last week.

 **Doctor:** I felt that a change was necessary.

 **Clara:** Well now you look like someone begging FOR change.

 **Doctor:** I like it.

 **Clara:** Space hobo.

 **Doctor** : I think you've written a book of nicknames about me by now.

 **Clara:** You're a very nicknameable person.

 **Doctor** : Well I don't like that shirt you're wearing. It's too red.

 **Clara:** How do you know what shirt I'm wearing?

 **Doctor** : Because I remember it. Hard not to really, the thing is blinding.

 **Clara:** You remembered me? We haven't even met yet.

 **Doctor:** Well I distinctly remember a young-ish woman bumping into me with a bright red shirt and attempted to speak Irish to me. Later on I presumed that you were an echo or something.

 **Clara:** No I won't.

 **Doctor:** Too late. You know it will happen, so it happens. Oh and "I'm sorry" is "Tá brón orm" (Taw bro-wn urm).

 **Clara:** Not a chance of that happening.

 

**11:50pm**

**Clara:** I hate you.

 **Doctor** : Well you seemed to be in a rush to leave.

 **Clara:** You never said that I'd bump into you while running away from you.

 **Doctor:** That would spoil the fun. You even said two of the words correctly. I'm proud.

 **Clara:** Shut up.

 **Doctor:** Your fault for being a narrative time traveler.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure about this chapter. I may change it a bit later on.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long. Today I'm graduating from school as so spent the entire time prepping the place for it. Also, I've started working on a sequel to this about what happens after every chapter.  
> I've added translations below to everything that isn't in English.

****Sunday, 29th March, 12:05pm** **

**Doctor:** Dia duit.

_(Translation: Hello)_

**Clara** : Go away.

 **Doctor** : Cén fath?

_(Translation: Why?)_

**Clara:** Shut up!

 **Doctor:** Tá sé mo fhrása!

_(Translation: That's my saying!)_

**Clara:** Remember the detaching threat?

 

**1:30pm**

**Doctor:** Conas atá tú?

_(Translation: How are you?)_

**Clara:** DOCTOR!

 **Doctor** : Tá sé mo ainm.

_(Translation: That's my name)_

**Clara:** I will find my way to the TARDIS and kill you.

 **Doctor:** Just sprucing up your Irish.

 **Clara:** No, you're making fun of me for last night.

 **Doctor:** It can be both.

 **Clara:** You're infuriating!

 **Doctor** : I try my best.

 

**2:40pm**

**Clara:** Is duine burb tú.

_(Translation: You're rude.)_

**Doctor:** Agus is duine rialú tú.

_(Translation: And you're a control freak. )_

**Clara** : Dún do mheal!

_(Translation: Shut up!)_

**Doctor:** Only a few days in a Gaelic speak region, and you're learning how to insult me in a different language.

 **Clara** : What can I say? I'm good.

 **Doctor:** Who's helping you?

 **Clara:** No one.

 **Doctor:** Bréagacha.

_(Translation: Lies.)_

**Clara:** No I'm just very good at languages.

 **Doctor:** You're usually a better liar than this

 **Clara:** Right fine. One of the locals is helping me.

 **Doctor:** You got someone to help you text me in Irish?

 **Clara:** Help me get back at you.

 **Doctor:** Good luck with that.

**4:05pm**

**Clara:** Draídóir.

_(Translation: Magician.)_

**Doctor:** I see you're expanding your vocabulary.

 **Clara:** That's what I'm calling you from now on.

 **Doctor** : Oh great another nickname to the list that shouldn't exist.

 **Clara** : Not my fault that you look like an owl in a magician costume.

 **Doctor:** By the way you spelled magician wrong. Its draíodóir. I think you should fire your local.

 **Clara:**  
A. It was a typo on my behalf.  
B. I can't fire him since I didn't hire him.  
C. Seán's nice so I think I'll keep him around.

 **Doctor:** Sean? So you're on a first name basis with the bad translator.

 **Clara** : His translations are just as good as yours.

 **Doctor** : That's a high compliment going to a man you only just met.

 **Clara:** And you say I'm the egomaniac.

 **Doctor:** I have not said that once today!

 **Clara:** In general.

 **Doctor:** In general you are.

 **Clara:** Buailfidh mé tú.

_(Translation: I will slap you.)_

**Doctor** : Save it for Seán.

 **Clara** : Wait. Are you jealous?

 **Doctor:** Why would I be jealous of some Irish pudding brain?

 **Clara:** I don't know. You tell me since you're the one who's clearly jealous.

 **Doctor:** I'm not jealous Clara.

 **Clara:** Your replies are almost green with envy.

 **Doctor:** I envy him right now since he doesn't have to listen to this.

 **Clara:** You know you can always pop over here anyway.

 **Doctor** : Can't. My past self is there and I might accidentally create a paradox.

 **Clara:** You're past self hasn't met me yet, and doesn't think he'll ever regenerate again so he won't recognize you as anything more than a scowling Scotsman. Plus since he hasn't met me, he won't recognize me and will probably think of me as some echo later on.

 **Doctor** : A very well constructed argument. It's almost as if you want me there with you.

 **Clara:** I do.

 **Doctor** : Oh.

 **Clara:** Doctor.

 **Doctor:** Yes?

 **Clara:** You're an idiot.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of their trip in Ireland. If anyone has any ideas please don't hesitate to send them through!


	22. Chapter 22

****Tuesday, 31st March, 3:40pm** **

**Doctor** : You were a bit odd leaving the TARDIS today. Did you spot that grey hair or something?

 **Clara:** No I'm just a little under the weather and what grey hair??

 **Doctor** : Everyone's technically 'under the weather' since most people tend to reside at the bottom of their planet's atmosphere.

 **Clara:** What grey hair?!

 **Doctor** : By your right ear. Don't worry it's natural to humans after a certain age.

 **Clara:** I'm NOT old Doctor!

 **Doctor:** Keep telling yourself that.

 **Clara:** Oh my god. I've a grey hair!

 **Doctor:** Yes. I clearly envy you right now.

 **Clara:** Shut up! I'm not even thirty and I've a grey hair.

 **Doctor:** I'm pretty sure you're thirty by now.

 **Clara:** Will you shut up about my age for two seconds?! I'm having an early midlife crisis!

 **Doctor:** It's a strand of hair!

 **Clara:** A GREY strand of hair!

 **Doctor:** We'll be matching in no time.

 **Clara:** This isn't funny.

 **Doctor:** Yes it is. You don't hear me crying over my hair colour.

 **Clara:** Yes I did!

 **Doctor:** Once. I got over it.

 **Clara:** You're over two thousand years old, it was bound to happen.

 **Doctor:** At least you had thirty odd years with brown hair.

 **Clara:** TWENTY NINE!

 **Doctor:** Just buy some hair dye if you hate the colour so much.

 **Clara:** It's one hair. I'm not buying hair dye for one hair.

 **Doctor:** For now.

 **Clara:** Stress! That's what caused it! All that bloody stress of having to deal with you!

 **Doctor:** !!!

 **Clara:** What?

 **Doctor:** You were using a lot of exclamation marks there, thought I'd join in.

 **Clara** : I hate you.

 **Doctor:** Feeling's not mutual.

 **Clara:** Sorry. Slight overreaction.

 **Doctor:** Yes, like the way a tsunami is a SLIGHTLY big wave.

 **Clara:** I said I was sorry.

 **Doctor:** Don't stress out over it. You might get another grey hair.

 **Clara:** Well if I do, I'll asked the grey haired stick insect what to do about it.

****** **

******4:20pm** ** **

**Doctor:** You said you were under the weather earlier.

 **Clara:** Yes but we had a more pressing grey hair dilemma to deal with first didn't we?

 **Doctor:** Are you okay?

 **Clara:** No I'm dying.

 **Doctor:** WHY DID YOU WASTE TIME TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR EGOMANIACAL HAIR ISSUES?!?!

 **Doctor:** I'm coming. HOLD ON! I'm not in the TARDIS.

 **Doctor:** Stay still. Take deep breaths!

 **Clara:** I MEAN WITH A COLD!

 **Doctor:** Stay warm then! Use your arms to keep your body warm!

 **Clara:** DOCTOR! I'm not actually dying.

 **Doctor:** Oh.

 **Clara:** Dying with a cold? Ever hear that phrase.

 **Doctor:** Well generally when someone says they're dying, it's not from a minor virus!

 **Clara:** Do you really think I'd casually text you that I was dying?

 **Doctor:** I don't know.

 **Clara:** No Doctor...

 **Doctor:** Well don't tell me that you're dying unless you actually are.

 **Clara:** Maybe I should've put a smiley face and little kisses at the end of the message so you wouldn't think I was serious.

 **Doctor:** If you signed your messages with a kiss, I'd be more concerned.

 **Clara:** Would you now? x

 **Doctor:** You're not funny.

 **Clara:** I'm not trying to be. x

 **Doctor:** Stop it. You're being ridiculous.

 **Clara:** Oh I wish I could see you fluster in person xx

 **Doctor:** Two is just cheating.

 **Clara:** What's three then? xxx

 **Doctor:** Three too many.

 **Clara:** Yes you're right. One is plenty. x

 **Doctor:** Clara, give it up already.

 **Clara:** I'm going to sign all my messages to you with a kiss until you send one back. x

 **Doctor:** Then I suppose I'll have to stop with this whole texting business.

 **Clara:** Come on. Don't leave a sick girl hanging. x

 **Doctor:** I think the virus has made you delirious.

 **Clara:** Nope. I just enjoy making you squirm sometimes. x

 **Doctor:** How very sadistic of you.

 **Clara:** You're loving this. x

 **Doctor:** How am I?

 **Clara:** All these little kisses I'm sending to you. x

 **Doctor:** They're letters, commonly used in algebra. Nothing more.

 **Clara:** It's the meaning behind them that counts. x

 

**4:28pm**

**Clara:** x

****** **

******4:30pm** ** **

**Clara** : xx

****** **

******4:33pm** ** **

**Clara** : xxx

 

******4:36pm** ** **

**Clara:** xxxx

 **Doctor:** Stop virtually kissing me!

 **Clara:** All you need to do is send me one back and I'll stop. x

 **Doctor:** I'm not sending you one.

 **Clara:** Ooh is it because you like that I'm sending you these? x

 **Doctor:** Stupidity doesn't work well with you.

 **Clara:** That wasn't a denial. x

 **Doctor:** Fine.

 **Doctor** : x _[Message canceled]_

 **Doctor:** Happy?

 **Clara:** Sorry I don't think your message came through. Send it again. x

 **Doctor:** I sent you the bloody letter! Stop sending them to me now.

 **Clara:** I told you. I didn't get the message. x

 **Doctor:** Well tough.

 **Clara:** Well I guess I shan't stop so. x

 **Doctor:** Fine by me.

 **Clara:** :) x

 **Doctor:** Oh dear lord.

********  
** **


	23. Chapter 23

**Tuesday, 31st March, 6:45pm (Same day)**

**Clara:** Where are you?

 **Doctor:** Getting honey.

 **Clara:** Two hours ago!

 **Doctor:** Your texts seem to consist of nothing but exclamation marks lately.

 **Clara:** And kisses x

 **Doctor** : Don't start this again.

 **Doctor:** We've already discussed this earlier.

 **Clara:** Discussion involves speaking.

 **Doctor:** Yes I suppose, and you sound like you've a chainsaw in your throat.

 **Clara:** Feels like it.

 **Doctor:** Why do you think I'm getting you honey?

 **Clara:** I still don't see why it's taking you two hours to get some honey. The shop is just down the road.

 **Doctor** : Yes I looked at the stuff they have there. I don't trust it.

 **Clara:** You don't trust it?

 **Doctor:** I don’t trust the bees.

 **Clara:** Doctor now isn't the time to launch a bloody bee investigation.

 **Doctor:** There is no harm in being thorough.

 **Clara:** Just buy the honey and come back!

 **Doctor:** And that leads me to problem number two..

 **Clara:** You're going to have to make it a rule to leave at least fifty pounds in your pocket at all times.

 **Doctor:** That would weigh me down.

 **Clara:** Money not weight!

 **Doctor:** Sorry since when did I say problem number two involved money?

 **Clara:** It usually does.

 **Doctor:** No I took your purse. Problem number two is I was right. The honey here isn't up to scratch at all.

 **Clara:** It doesn't matter. Just buy a jar already.

 **Doctor:** Oh I forgot to mention problem two part b).. I might be banned from the shop.

 **Clara:** Oh for heaven's sake! How did you manage that?

 **Doctor:** Apparently I'm not allowed inquire about the region's honey by examining them all.

 **Clara** : You can't just open jars of honey and do experiments on them all!

 **Doctor:** Well I know that now.

 **Clara:** What are you doing now then?

 **Doctor:** I'm at the bee farm.

 **Clara:** Will you forget about the bloody honey! I was expecting you to say walking home or something.

 **Doctor:** Don't be stupid. Honey is one of the best remedies for sore throats, when used right.

 **Clara:** My throat is feeling much better. I'm fine.

 **Doctor:** Chainsaw.

 **Clara:** It's not that bad.

 **Doctor:** Mind if I call you to check?

 **Clara:** I do mind.

 **Doctor:** Because you have a sore throat.

 **Clara** : No I'm just incredibly busy.

 **Doctor:** Sore throat.

 **Clara:** Busy.

 **Doctor:** Sore throat.

 **Clara:** BUSY!

 **Doctor:** Right well since you're busy bee, you won't mind if I got the honey for you.

 **Clara:** Ignoring the pun.. You are not launching another investigation about honey right now.

 **Doctor:** I only want to make sure I get the best stuff.

 **Clara:** Honey is honey. It doesn't matter!

 **Doctor:** It does when you sound like a dying cat every time you speak.

 **Clara:** Then please tell me you've got some by now.

 **Doctor:** I'm almost there. I've made a truce with a hive's queen.

 **Clara** : How can you make a truce with a bee?

 **Doctor:** Technically they're not bees from Earth. They're Migrant Bees from Melissa Majoria.

 **Clara** : You mean you're getting me space honey...

 **Doctor** : No it's still on Earth. I'm only a few miles from London. They live among your bee population and don't look any different.

 **Clara:** Interesting... did you get the honey yet?

 **Doctor** : Just enough to fill a jar.

 **Clara:** Make sure you have enough for yourself.

 **Doctor** : Why my throat is fine?

 **Clara:** For now.

 **Doctor:** Clara I'm immune to colds.

 **Clara:** We'll see about that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a good few kissing innuendoes here, if you can spot them.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day was April Fools day so I couldn't resist.

**Wednesday, 1st April, 12:35pm**

**Doctor:** Hi Clara. I know you're probably in work. I didn't want to bother you.

 **Clara:** I'm at lunch. Why are you being nice?

 **Doctor:** I'm a nice person from time to time.

 **Clara:** No you're not. What's wrong?

 **Doctor:** Why does there have to be something wrong? What if I just want to have a civil conversation with you.

 **Clara:** Because if you did, you'd just burst into my class like the last time. Now what happened?

 **Doctor:** Nothing serious has happened.

 **Clara:** That means something HAS happened.

 **Doctor:** Lots of things happen. Right now you're converting oxygen to carbon dioxide and expelling water vapour.

 **Clara:** Don't get all sciencey on me.

 **Doctor:** Look Clara nothing serious had happened. I just wanted to talk to you.

 **Clara:** Oh well that's a nice change.

 **Doctor:** Told you I could be nice.

 **Clara:** What do you want to talk about?

 **Doctor:** Well did you know that there's a super void region only a few million lightyears from the Earth and I may have accidentally set fire to your bedroom.

 **Clara:** WHAT?!

 **Doctor:** I know. It's huge! It's so empty that there's practically no photons there. What little photons are there are slowed down. It's just a massive collection of dark matter.

 **Clara:** I'M ON ABOUT MY ROOM YOU IDIOT!

 **Doctor:**  Oh yes.. I was pretty sure that you'd be upset over your mirrors melting.

 **Clara:** I'm on my way over and you better not be near there or I'll throw you into the fire.

 **Doctor:** Bit harsh.

 **Clara:** YOU BURNT DOWN MY BEDROOM!

 **Clara:** You know what I'm not even going to talk to you.

 **Doctor:** You're technically not talking to me. Texting isn't speaking.

 

**12:40pm**

**Doctor:** Are you there yet?

 

**12:45pm**

**Doctor:** I'm on the moon so I can't tell if you're there or not.

 

**12:55pm**

**Doctor:** Okay it doesn't take that long to get there.

 **Clara:** APRIL FOOLS?!?!

 **Doctor:** Got you.

 **Clara:** I RAN HOME FROM WORK!

 **Doctor:** Exercise is always good for you.

 **Clara:** FROM WORK! MY ACTUAL JOB!

 **Doctor:** Got you good there.

 **Clara:** I'm going to murder you.

 **Doctor:** But you're mirrors are fine.

 

**1:00pm**

**Doctor:** Clara?

 

**1:05pm**

**Doctor:** It was a JOKE!

 **Clara:** I'm going to get you back for this.

 **Doctor:** That's the spirit.

 **Clara:** You'll be one when I'm through with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will include Clara's revenge!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara's revenge.

****Thursday, 2nd April, 1:20pm** **

**Doctor:** You seemed very.. happy this morning.

 **Clara:** Oh so I'm not allowed to be happy?

 **Doctor:** You were going to that school.

 **Clara:** I actually like my job.

 **Doctor:** Still haven't got paid for mine.

 **Clara:** What would the wage for being President of Earth be?

 **Doctor:** Never asked. I keep telling them I resigned.

 **Clara:** Whatever you say Mr. President.

 **Doctor:** President is a title itself, it doesn't need a 'Mr.' in front of it. I thought you taught English.

 **Clara:** Yes, that's true..

 **Doctor:** Okay, what's wrong with you?

 **Doctor:** Have you caught the Frengalian Flu?

 **Doctor:** I seriously hope not if you're going to work.

 **Clara:** Nothing!

 **Clara:** What's the Frengalian Flu?

 **Doctor:** Doesn't matter. You're being all weird and smiley though. Stop that.

 **Clara:** How do you even know I'm smiling?

 **Doctor:** Because I can see you through the window.

 **Clara:** You know that's called stalking.

 **Doctor:** I was going to check if you had the flu.

 **Doctor** : WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?

 **Clara:** You look even funnier when you're trying to look cross!

 **Doctor:** How do I look funny?!

 **Clara:** Your facial expressions are just very funny right now.

 **Doctor:** What the hell are you on about?

 **Clara:** I'll leave you to figure it out. I've a class to teach now.

 **Doctor:** Don't bore them too much.

 

**1:50pm**

**Doctor:** Right people are staring. What have you done to me?

 

**2:00pm**

**Doctor:** Clara forget your little pudding brains. Tell me what you did!

 

**2:05pm**

**Doctor:** Did you draw on my face?

 **Doctor:** You did. Didn't you?

 

**2:10pm**

**Doctor:** I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU.

 **Doctor:** NO WONDER PEOPLE WERE STARING.

 

**2:15pm**

**Clara:** How are you going to do that? You've no attack eyebrows. You've lost your greatest weapon.

 **Doctor:** That was too far.

 **Clara:** They'll grow back.

 **Doctor:** You better hope so.

 **Clara:** You look so lost without them.

 **Doctor:** I'm going to your school.

 **Clara:** Don't you dare.

 **Doctor:** On the way.

 **Clara:** I'll kick you out. Literally.

 **Doctor:** Fine. I'll be waiting in the TARDIS. We're going to talk about this.

 **Clara:** Fine by me.

 

**3:30pm**

**Doctor:** Even the TARDIS is laughing at me. I hope you're happy. 

 **Doctor:** It's not even April fools day!

 

**3:40pm**

**Clara:** It was last night ;)

 **Doctor:** Shut up. The both of ye need to just shut up.

 **Clara:** It was her idea actually. She supplied me with the razors for them. You're eyebrows were too thick for mine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Frengalian Flu is from lornesgoldenhair's fic called: Feverish (It's rated Mature).


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the prompt: (\\(\;;/)/) by Spydur1

******Friday, 23rd April, 9:40pm** ** **

**Doctor:** Clara I need you.

 **Clara:** That's not something I hear every day.

 **Doctor** : Well actually I need your shoe.

 **Clara:** My shoe?

 **Doctor:** Preferably off your foot please.

 **Clara:** You certainly know how to charm a woman.

 **Doctor:** I said please!

 **Clara:** And I'm saying no.

 **Doctor:** I need a shoe!

 **Clara:** Use your own.

 **Doctor:** I'm not wearing them.

 **Clara:** I don't see how mine will fit your clown feet.

 **Doctor:** They are not clown feet.

 **Clara:** Yes they are.

 **Doctor:** They're average.

 **Clara:** You know what they say about big feet? ;)

 **Doctor:** There's more of a chance to trip over them? 

 **Clara:** No..

 **Doctor:**  I don't understand your colloquial sayings.

 **Clara:** Never mind.

 **Doctor:** They are a size 11 by your standards, how is that big?

 **Clara:** They're much bigger than mine.

 **Doctor:** That's because you're small.

 **Clara:** Excuse me?

 **Doctor:** Compressed?

 **Clara:** That's not an improvement.

 **Doctor:** Miniscule.

 **Clara:** I'll give you my shoe alright. Slapped across your face.

 **Doctor:** Yes okay can you hurry up and give it to me already.

 **Clara:** What do you even want my shoe for?

 **Clara:** You're not doing any experiments with them.

 **Doctor:** There's a spider in your bathtub. I can't leave because it needs to be under complete surveillance in case it does anything fishy.

 **Clara:** So you're going to squish it with my shoe.

 **Doctor:** No I'm going to threaten it to leave me alone while I bathe.

 **Clara:** Fine. If there's any bits of spider on my shoe then you'll have a whole other thing to worry about while you bathe.

 **Clara:** I still find it funny that you're a bath person.

 **Doctor:** I like the bubbles, now are you giving me the shoe or what?

 **Clara:** I'm coming! Relax.

 

**9:55pm**

**Clara:** I'm not sure if the spider took you seriously with your lack of eyebrows.

 **Doctor:** I still have your shoe you know.

 **Clara:** You shouldn't be texting from the tub. What if you drop the phone?

 **Doctor:** I won't drop it.

 **Clara:** You better not. It wasn't cheap.

 **Doctor:** It looks like it cost you about £20.

 **Clara:** Excuse me that Tesco's finest.

 **Doctor:** Oh right. Sorry. It just looked cheap.

 **Clara:** You're forgiven.

 **Doctor:** I'm sensing a bit of sarcasm through the phone.

 **Clara:** What? No.

 **Doctor:** I invented sarcasm. I know what it is.

 **Clara:** No you didn't.

 **Doctor** : How do you know?

 **Clara:** Because you just said that.

 

**10:20pm**

**Doctor:** I'm just finishing up. Do you want to use it?

 **Clara:** With your bathwater? No thanks.

 **Doctor:** I meant with a fresh tub. I do have a sense of hygiene.

 **Clara:** Uh huh.

 **Doctor:** Do you want one or not?

 **Clara:** Not.

 **Doctor:** Are you sure? I think you could do with one.

 **Clara:** I'm fine. I showered this morning.

 **Doctor:** I mean there's a little bit of dirt on your face.

 **Clara:** That's called make-up.

 **Doctor:** Should be called muck-up.

 **Clara:** Well it’s not.

 **Doctor:** (\\(\;;/)/)

 **Clara:** What?

 **Doctor:** It’s Peter.

 **Clara:** Who the hell is Peter?

 **Doctor:** The spider…

 **Clara:** Was that supposed to be a Spiderman joke?

 **Doctor:** No his name is actually Peter.

 **Clara:** Get the spider out of my place.

 **Doctor:** Peter.

 **Clara:** GET IT OUT!

**Doctor:** Even an arachnid thinks you’re being rude, the some of their wives try to eat them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I'm working on making a comic of the series. I'll have a page done by the end of the week, hopefully.


	27. Chapter 27

**Saturday, 2nd May, 2:05pm**

**Clara:** Where are you?

 **Doctor:** At the beach.

 **Clara:** Yes but WHERE on the beach?

 **Doctor:** Up by the markets.

 **Clara:** You can't just run off like that.

 **Doctor:** Why I'm not a fifty year old.

 **Clara:** Well you look like one.

 **Doctor:** Well on Gallifrey a fifty year old would look like a young adult so.. 

 **Clara:** I meant a fifty year old on Earth.

 **Doctor:** Are you saying that I look like you?

 **Clara:** NO!

 **Doctor:** I was going to say thank you but never mind.

 **Clara:** Right no more talking about my age. Ever.

 **Doctor:** I don't see any problem with it.

 **Clara:** I have a problem being told that I look 21 years older than I am.

 **Doctor:** 20.

 **Clara:** 21\. Didn't I just ban you from discussing my age?

 **Doctor:** What else am I supposed to say?

 **Clara:** "Clara I'm so sorry for accidentally saying that you look like a fifty year old. You're actually very young and pretty."

 **Doctor:** Ha ha. Well I'll say that if we ever need to use your inflated ego as a life raft.

 **Clara:** My ego is fine thank you very much.

 

**2:30pm**

**Clara:** I can't find you. Which stall are you at?

 **Doctor** : The fireworks.

 **Clara:** Of course you are.

 **Doctor:** What does that mean?

 **Clara:** Nothing..

 

**4:50pm**

**Doctor** : Clara can you see me?

 **Clara:** Of course I can. You're the old grey haired idiot standing at the cliff's edge.

 **Doctor** : You better be watching this.

 **Clara** : Wait, why do you have your phone with you? You can't get it wet!

 **Doctor:** Relax, I made it waterproof after the time with Peter and the bath.

 **Clara:** I still can't believe that you named the bloody spider.

 **Doctor:** Let it go Clara, we don't want you getting another grey hair. I don't think my ears could take it.

 **Clara:** Oh shut up. Now stop stalling and jump.

 

**5:05pm**

**Doctor:** Did you see it?

 **Clara:** Your arms flailed like a madman and I could hear your shouts from here!

 **Doctor** : As if the people before me didn't do the same.

 **Clara:** Still funny.

 **Doctor** : Your turn.

 **Clara** : Not a chance.

 **Doctor** : It's tradition here.

 **Clara:** Not my tradition.

 **Doctor** : If I can do it, you can do it.

 **Clara:** I'm also sane.

 **Doctor** : The cliff isn't that high.

 **Clara:** I'm happier sun bathing.

 **Clara:** Also don't come near me until you're fully dry.

 **Doctor:** ;)

 **Clara:** Don't do that. That's just weird.

 **Clara:** And I'm warning you, I have a nice big book and I'm not afraid to use it.

 **Doctor:** Want to know something interesting about books?

 **Clara:** What?

 **Doctor:** They can get wet.

 

**10:40pm**

**Doctor:** Are you ready?

 **Clara:** I still don't know where you got that boat from.

 **Doctor:** I rented it from a fisherman.

 **Clara:** With what? You spent all your money on fireworks!

 **Doctor:** I have him your book.

 **Clara:** I hope a firework blows up in your face.

 **Doctor:** Someone's feisty when they're sunburnt.

 **Clara:** That was MY book!

 **Doctor:** I'll get you a new copy. Relax. Just enjoy the show.

 **Clara:** I suppose a personal firework show is worth a copy of Robinson Cruseo.

 **Doctor:** Exactly. Now stop texting me, I'm trying to check if everything set up right.

 **Clara:** Bossy.

 **Doctor:** Pot calling kettle black.

 

**11:00pm**

**Doctor:** Now sit back and watch a firework display by your favourite Time Lord.

 **Clara:** Not giving me much choice there are you?

 **Doctor:** Shut up and make some use out of those huge eyes of yours.

 

**11:25pm**

**Clara:** That was fantastic. How did you get them into all those different shapes.

 **Doctor:** Science.

 **Clara:** That's not a how.

 **Doctor:** I tried to explain how they were different colours before by explaining the atomic structure of the elements and you zoned out.

 **Clara:** You over complicated things.

 **Doctor:** There is nothing complicated about heat energy, atomic energy levels and orbitals.

 **Clara:** I'm not getting into an argument with you over atoms.

 **Doctor:** Well I'm glad to have impressed you anyway Miss Oswald.

 **Clara:** I liked the one you did of the Earth but what was the other one?

 **Doctor:** Gallifrey. I did my two homes.

 **Clara:** Thought it looked like it.

 **Doctor:** Or is could be your sunburnt round face. Guess we'll never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got the idea while chilling on the beach today.
> 
> Also want to thank everyone for their lovely comments, you're brilliant! :)


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mario Kart - idea came from the prompt:   
> Please do a chapter which makes some sort of reference to them playing video games. This is a most excellent story.  
> \- LordPresidentRassilon   
> (Also thanks!)

**Friday, 8th May, 6:25pm**

**Doctor:** I still don't see why we have to play it in separate rooms. It's only Mario Kart.

 **Clara:** Because you're a screen looker.

 **Doctor:** How else am I going to play it. I generally need to look at the game that I'm playing.

 **Clara:** My screen you cheater.

 **Doctor:** You just got angry because I had hit you with a green shell.

 **Clara:** We were on the same team!

 **Doctor:** I wanted to be first and I didn't know we were on the same team. I just thought we were matching colours.

 **Clara:** Matching colours means the same team.

 **Doctor:** Yeah well team Blue is going to win.

 **Clara:** Shut up I'm driving.

 **Doctor:** Virtually.

 

**6:30pm**

**Doctor:** So you're ignoring me now.

 

**6:35pm**

**Doctor:** Well I'm texting and driving and guess who's first.

 **Doctor:** Me.

 

**6:40pm**

**Doctor:** Did you know that texting and driving in all forms become illegal in the 22nd Century?

 **Doctor:** That includes Mario Kart.

 **Doctor:** Good thing this isn't the 22nd Century.

 

**6:45pm**

**Doctor:** I don't see the point in using two wii systems like this because you think I'm cheating.

 **Doctor:** I'm still winning.

 

**6:47pm**

**Doctor:** Good thing these cars don't have ATMOS.

 **Doctor:** Or that they're not real.

 **Doctor:** Especially that skeleton guy. Reminds me of the Master.

 

**6:50pm**

**Doctor:** You know since I'm winning it's my turn to be Mario and you be Luigi.

 

**6:51pm**

**Doctor:** DO NOT USE THAT BLUE SHELL.

 **Doctor:** CLARA I'M WARNING YOU.

 

**6:52pm**

**Clara:** Ha.

 **Doctor:** That's not fair.

 **Clara:** Guess you'll have to be Luigi again.

 **Clara:** Loser.

 **Doctor:** Fine. I'm picking the map this time.

 **Clara:** Anything but Rainbow Road.

 **Doctor:** It's in space. It can't be that bad.

 **Clara:** Do not pick it.

 

**6:55pm**

**Clara:** I told you not to pick it.

 **Doctor:** And I told you not to use the blue shell on me.

 **Clara:** Sore loser.

 **Doctor:** Bad winner.

 

**7:00pm**

**Doctor:** What's so wrong with this map? Is it the lack of fundamental physics in it that upsets you?

 **Clara:** Give it time.

 

**7:05pm**

**Doctor:** YOU BUMPED ME OFF!

 **Clara:** That was Donkey Kong..

 **Doctor:** Isn't that you?

 

**7:08pm**

**Doctor:** There was no need to hit me with a shell.

 **Clara:** There's always the need to do that.

 

**7:13pm**

**Doctor:** Passed you out.

 **Doctor:** How's second place going?

 

**7:18pm**

**Doctor:** Who's the sore loser now?

 **Doctor:** And I have a banana so don't try anything funny.

 

**7:25pm**

**Doctor:** Oh I can see the finish line coming up.

 **Doctor:** I might do a lap of victory.

 

**7:26pm**

**Doctor:** SHUT UP! I can hear you through the wall.

 **Clara:** You fell off just before the finish line! That's the best thing I've seen all day.

 **Doctor:** Shut. Up.

 **Clara:** Just drove straight off the course.

 **Doctor:** I loss control.

 **Clara:** You were too busy rubbing it in my face to see where you were going. You deserved that.

 **Doctor:** I hate this map.

**Clara:** It's my new favourite. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I'm going to the Canary Islands for two weeks so I'm not sure if I'll be able to update during that time.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor leaves Clara a note

**Tuesday, 12th May, 4:05pm**

**Clara:** I read your note.

 **Doctor:** Yes well you clearly weren't answering your phone again.

 **Clara:** I was in the tube. You know I never get any signal down there. It's as bad as outer space.

 **Doctor:** Why don't you put that as your voicemail so people don't think that you're dead or something.

 **Clara:** I was only gone for an hour. Anyway, did you actually just called your sun glasses "sonic shades"?

 **Doctor:** It was that or sonic specks.

 **Clara:** Well to answer your question, no I didn't take them.

 **Doctor:** Well they're missing and I've checked everywhere.

 **Clara:** Pockets?

 **Doctor:** Yes Clara! My pockets, toolkit, console unit, your bedside drawer. They're gone!

 **Clara:** Wait wait wait. YOU ROOTED THROUGH MY STUFF?!

 **Doctor:** Relax. I wasn't paying attention to what you've got stored in there. I was only looking for the sonic.

 **Clara:** It's still a breach of privacy!

 **Doctor:** Look I only spotted one thing so I don't see what the big deal is.

 **Clara:** Next time I see you, I'm teaching you a lesson on human privacy.

 

**4:15pm**

**Clara:** Also what thing?

 **Doctor:** A photo. You really should have it in a frame.

 **Clara:** The comic con photo?

 **Doctor:** Yes. Why were there others?

 **Clara:** No. I keep planning on buying a frame for it but a certain Time Lord keeps distracting me.

 **Doctor:** It'll get damaged if you just leave it in a drawer like that.

 **Clara:** Well I bet your copy of the photograph is lost among a pile of junk on the TARDIS.

 **Doctor:** No. I actually know how to use a frame.

 **Clara:** How come I've never seen it?

 **Doctor:** It's in my room.

 **Clara:** Actually. I've always wanted to see your room.

 **Doctor:** I thought you were just lecturing me on privacy?

 **Clara:** Oh don't go there Mister Always Landing the TARDIS in my Bedroom at All Hours.

 **Doctor:** I prefer to be called Doctor.

 **Clara:** Don't care. You're showing me your room so I can see if you're lying about that photograph.

 **Doctor:** After we find my sonic specks.

 **Clara:** Have you checked the top of your head?

 

**4:25pm**

**Doctor:** Okay. I'll show you after we have our talk about privacy.

 **Clara:** Oh no. Don't worry, the talk can wait. I want to see your room.

 **Clara:** Does it have red lining on the inside too?

 **Doctor:** Keep this up and you'll never see it.

 **Clara:** Knew it did :)

 **Doctor:** Don't you text smile at me.

 **Clara:** Hurry up and get here so I can see it!

 **Doctor:** Give me a minute.

 

Clara: I read your note.

Doctor: Yes well you clearly weren't answering your phone again.

Clara: I was in the tube. You know I never get any signal down there. It's as bad as outer space.

Doctor: Why don't you put that as your voicemail so people don't think that you're dead or something.

Clara: I was only gone for an hour. Anyway, did you actually just called your sun glasses "sonic shades"?

Doctor: It was that or sonic specks.

Clara: Well to answer your question, no I didn't take them.

Doctor: Well they're missing and I've checked everywhere.

Clara: Pockets?

Doctor: Yes Clara! My pockets, toolkit, console unit, your bedside drawer. They're gone!

Clara: Wait wait wait. YOU ROOTED THROUGH MY STUFF?!

Doctor: Relax. I wasn't paying attention to what you've got stored in there. I was only looking for the sonic.

Clara: It's still a breach of privacy!

Doctor: Look I only spotted one thing so I don't see what the big deal is.

Clara: Next time I see you, I'm teaching you a lesson on human privacy.

Clara: Also what thing?

Doctor: A photo. You really should have it in a frame.

Clara: The comic con photo?

Doctor: Yes. Why were there others?

Clara: No. I keep planning on buying a frame for it but a certain Time Lord keeps distracting me.

Doctor: It'll get damaged if you just leave it in a drawer like that.

Clara: Well I bet your copy of the photograph is lost among a pile of junk on the TARDIS.

Doctor: No. I actually know how to use a frame.

Clara: How come I've never seen it?

Doctor: It's in my room.

Clara: Actually. I've always wanted to see your room.

Doctor: I thought you were just lecturing me on privacy?

Clara: Oh don't go there Mister Always Landing the TARDIS in my Bedroom at All Hours.

Doctor: I prefer to be called Doctor.

Clara: Don't care. You're showing me your room so I can see if you're lying about that photograph.

Doctor: After we find my sonic specks.

Clara: Have you checked the top of your head?

Doctor: Okay. I'll show you after we have our talk about privacy.

Clara: Oh no. Don't worry, the talk can wait. I want to see your room.

Clara: Does it have red lining on the inside too?

Doctor: Keep this up and you'll never see it.

Clara: Knew it did :)

Doctor: Don't you text smile at me.

Clara: Hurry up and get here so I can see it!

Doctor: Give me a minute.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! I'm back! I think we could all use some humor and fluff after the last episode!

**Author's Note:**

> This is mainly to brush up on my dialogue for story/comic writing and it's actually a lot of fun to do!  
> Any tips or ideas please let me know.


End file.
